Tucker's Bris Party

heebnvegan faithful may remember Tucker, my friends' kitten who got blessed at an Episcopalian church earlier this fall. Tucker got neutered a couple of weeks ago, and his guardians decided to have a party as though he'd had a bris! All the attendees were eager to celebrate making Tucker celibate, admiring his responsible sacrifice. (Did you know that approximately half of the estimated 6-8 million cats and dogs who enter U.S. shelters each year have to be euthanized because there simply aren't enough homes for them? An unspayed female cat can produce 36 cats in just a year and a half, and an unneutered male cat can beget an infinite number of offspring. As Bob Barker says, "Help control the pet population. Have your pet spayed or neutered.")

In honor of the special occasion, I brought a bottle of Manischewitz. Vegan versions of non-Jewish foods were served, including a pizza puff pastry and pigs in a blanket; as has been been pointed out before, pork and the like can be completely kosher if they're vegan. I sang an original song called "Thank You, Mr. Mohel," altering the lyrics to refer to Tucker, with Tucker's proud father on acoustic guitar. (For some reason, my family wouldn't let me sing the joke song at my nephew's bris in September.)

Really, who doesn't love a bris? I guess Kramer comes to mind, but few people are willing to take his side these days.